What you WANT and what you NEED.

      Lately I've been think about the differences between what you want and what you need. This phrase always seemed to be used by your friends or family. 'Well honey what you NEED to do is...' or 'Is this really what you WANT?' Why do people think this way? Yes we as humans do have to know what is best for us at the time of such a question, but has anyone ever stopped and thought about why? Why does a WANT seem to be less important then a NEED and what place do other people have to say what those are in your life. I have had many things in my life I've had to give up because my friends and family said I NEEDED to when in truth they WANTED me to get rid of these things in my life. Yes, I understand that sometimes they believe its for my own befit and well being, even if that is true isn't that call mine? I have been pushed into so many choices that I had to make based on people telling me it's what I NEEDED to do to the point where I really had no say in the matter and that was just the way it had to be. I have had friends and family BOTH do this to me, and it always leaves me going 'don't I get a say in this?' I have tried for the last four years of my life to try and stand up for myself and to say more that 'Hey this is not ok, it's my freaking choice!'

   But this last month or two I had some drama in my life... A very good friend of mine did something selfish and stupid to get something that they wanted. But the result brought in my parents who started to connect some dots and expose years of mutilation of me and a lot of other friends around this friend. Yes, this is not ok to mutilate your friends in order to get what you want, but something interesting happened in my head. Since my parents were involved now they started to say 'Yeah you just need to not hang out with them anymore.' and 'If this happened to me I would left ages ago!' Yes, for me own sake I had to stop talking to this friend. But I am still getting mutilated.... only the source is my parents now. This cycle has gone on my whole life and to a degree it happens in everyone's life, people have their own goal in mind and will use you to get that goal best they believe that their goal is what they feel is best for you. Most people stand up for themselves and don't take it anymore and say 'I will decide what I WANT and what I NEED for myself!' but in my case I have been scared of saying that to the people I love friends and family both. I am a soft hearted person and don't want to fight or have any conflict in my life. But this fact of life is unavoidable... and till about a month ago I thought that I was finally saying that it was my life and my choice...

    I made my peace with not talking or seeing my good friend, as if some part of me knew it was going to happen. They needed help that I couldn't give to them no matter how hard I tried and I had to accept that. But the one thing I can't accept is the effect that it has on people around me that I love namely my boyfriend... This friend got us together, they encouraged us to start dating, and in someway they are to thank for this wonderful man in my life right now... But I never wanted him to get caught up in their drama and to get mutilated like the rest of us did. That scared me more then anything, I didn't want them to ruin my relationship with their BS and problems. In a way my boyfriend was lucky because he was in basic training when it all happened. But I knew how he would feel about the whole thing, he's a soft hearted person like me and to him he wasn't there so what can he do. To him nothing has change in their friendship the only thing that's different is that I don't talk those friends and I have to have faith in him. He's stronger then I am and understands why I left and that's all that matters to me. Our relationship is between us and we both have a very good understanding of that.

    Now I get back to the problem at hand the question of what you WANT and what you NEED. The truth of the matter is a want and a need are very similar the only real difference is that a want is a stronger then a need in most cases. A want has more a emotion in it, it gives such strong emotions that people are will to push you and pull you to get what they want. But if you take anything from this little rant you as a human being have wants and needs too. Letting people mutilate your wants and needs is wrong take it from someone who's let it happen to them many times in her life... I've given up friends, dreams, goals, even objects all for some else's means. I have lost so much with no gain or really reason. I am a kind and giving person but I have grown tired of being used because I am a kind and giving person. That will make people like me become cold hearted... Which is something I never want to even be. So always remember it's what you WANT and what you NEED. Not what other people want and need for you.        

Let's Give This a Try.

           I am not really much of a blog or really social media person but I think I'd like to give this blog thing the good old college try. So this blog is just going to be a view into the life of a Art Teacher and the struggles that a just starting out teacher have. I'd also like to have a place to like to sort of rant and give people a window into my little life. Even thou to me it doesn't seem very exciting to me, but maybe someone out there will like this and enjoy it so why not give this whole blog thing a try!

                                                 

Here's a print piece by me just as a little fun things.